“Just A Little Kinkier”: Twenty Bostonians Who Live Together Rethink Intimacy and Share Joys And Difficulties

A group of more than twenty people who identify as polyamorous are pushing for an alteration to the conventional nuclear family model. Based in Boston, the organization, which refers to itself as a “polycule,” is made up of individuals and couples that include queer women, nonbinary people, and “heteroflexible” males.

The New York Times cited a polycule member as stating, “It’s a chosen family… just a little kinkier.” Another participant said, “The nuclear family’s structure needs to change.”

According to a US media source, the term “polycule,” a combination of “polyamory” and “molecule,” refers to “an intricate structure formed of people with overlapping deep attachments: romantic, sexual, sensual, platonic.”

Ashley, a different participant, likened the group to a “evolving organism.”

The Boston-based polycule came into being in 2020 when a number of individuals and couples got together and started “forming friendships.” “We have a sizable polycule of folks in their mid-20s to mid-40s, maybe even a little more. Many individuals have main relationships and get married. According to Katie, one of the polycule, “They’re coming at it from the beginning of a monogamous relationship.”

According to the members, decisions at Polycule are made by queer women and are governed by women. “Those who identify as feminine are leading the charge. We get together, make plans, and make decisions. A group of gay women declare that they will not adhere to the regulations. Whether it’s romantic love or not, everyone is so incredibly in love with one another, according to a free-love commune member.

The participants emphasized that despite its advantages, difficulties like jealousy, time restraints, and crossing boundaries might occur, especially for those leaving monogamous relationships. Some members found it difficult to transition into the polycule, especially those who had previously been in monogamous marriages or relationships.

Male polycule member Robert expressed his shock that his wife was seeing someone he thought was superior to him. “I felt completely worthless and incompetent, as if I could be replaced in an instant. He told the US daily, “A lot of tears were shed.” He mentioned that he ended up benefiting by joining the Polycule.

The gang claimed that it organized itself by defining limits in group discussions. Because of its varied structure, the polycule emphasizes the value of respecting one another’s boundaries while allowing for differing degrees of relationship norms and arrangements.

Richard’s wife Ann spoke about how she manages her time. She has many casual relationships with other members of Polycule while also maintaining a loving engagement with her spouse.

“My nesting partner and spouse is the ones with whom I share a residence. In addition, I have lifelong friends who I refer to as my spouses and who are essential players in the polycule. My closest buddy and sometimes sexual partner is one of their husbands. Although we are not romantically linked, I do have sex with my wife. However, Ann was cited as stating, “I love them.”

Katie claims that she can only handle three romantic relationships at once, a phenomenon her culture refers to as “poly-saturation,” which denotes the greatest amount of time one can spend loving more than one person. Individuals differ in this ability, according to other polycule members.

All of the polycule members told the newspaper that the benefits of joining the group outweigh the drawbacks, despite the difficulties they had faced.

“We understand why the predominant arrangement is still monogamy. the male-dominated system. the absence of rights for women. Being allowed to live my life as truthfully as possible without my husband’s consent is liberating for me as a woman and as a gay woman, said commune member Bine.

Additionally, the members informed the publication that polyamory is turning into “a social movement.”